• JoAnn was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief JoAnn got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that JoAnn loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to hear them.
  
  To teach JoAnn a lesson, the other women decided the next time she told an off-color story they'd just get up, walk out and meet at another home but without her. Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, JoAnn started, "You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say ..." Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.
  
  JoAnn was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood what was going on and said, "Hey, girls! Hold on, hold on! There's plenty of time because the bus doesn't leave until morning!"
• You know you're in trouble when the first thing the opponents do is draw trumps, and you're the declarer.
• Bridge is a great comfort in your old age. It also helps you get there faster.
• There are three kinds of bridge players: those who can count and those that can't.
• We had a 75% game last night! Three out of four of our opponents thought we were idiots.
• A well-balanced player makes up for his inadequacy in the bidding with his ineptitude in the play.
• People with small minds talk about other people. People with ordinary minds talk about events. People with great minds talk about ideas. People with warped minds talk about bridge hands.
• The difference between a mad, psycho, serial killer and a bridge partner is that you can reason with the serial killer.
• We had a partnership misunderstanding. My partner assumed I knew what I was doing.

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