Opening the Houston Spring Nationals book for a four-day read, I expected a happy storyline. By the time I reached the last page in the A/X - BCD Strati-flighted on Saturday night, a spinning cloud of wild partnerships, wooly results, and thrown opportunities spiraled down into a dusty, disappointing ending.

 

Playing in Compact KO's with Buffalo, I bid to 6D, doubled. Buffalo decides he likes his hand better than our combined hands, so he bids 6S (I have no spades – his Spades are KJ10xxxx). The diamond slam would have made, the spade slam, doubled, goes down two, vulnerable. At the other table, the opponents bid and make 3NT. Goodbye match one. In the second match, Buffalo decides pushing us to 4S, vulnerable against 3NT, non-vulnerable is a good tactic. 800 points later, it dawns on him, it isn’t.

 

In the evening sidegame (with two loses, we didn't move on to the finals of the CKO's...what a surprise), as dealer I held: K10xx, xx, Q, KJ9xxx. Non-vul, playing NSys™ Precision, I would open 2C with a reliable partner. But, here, with Buffalo Bill, I pass. LHO bids 1D, partner passes, RHO bids 1H. I double. LHO passes, partner bids 1NT, RHO passes. I bid 2C. Being a passed hand, with my double showing the black suits, my intent was to describe the hand I held: somewhat less than opening, with four spades and six clubs. LHO passes and partner bids 2D. O.k. Partner has two spades, four hearts, six diamonds, and a singleton club. RHO passes, I pass, and LHO passes. Our result was not positive. Partner, with only four diamonds (and two clubs, three spades) was bidding 2D as a response to my 2C - which he said was Stayman! Two Clubs makes, 1NT doesn’t.

 

Although Buffalo and I were scheduled to play the remainder of the tournament, we decided to amend that arrangement.

 

Other tall tales abound.

 

Playing 2/1 with a delightful, although somewhat scattered genteel spirit, I play a Diamond partial when Six Spades is ice. Calamity opens 1H, I bid 2D, and - even though I had a 2S bid prepared in anticipation of her 2H rebid - she decides to pass with her minimum [!], 13-point opener.

 

In another 2/1 partnership with the most amazing green eyes you can imagine, TF opens 4D, vul v. non. I hold K10x in Diamonds and two other kings. I bid 5D. LHO doubles. Green eyes held eight Diamonds to the QJ in an otherwise 'balanced' hand with no redeeming values. We have twelve tricks, but LHO cashes his four aces first and we're -500 while the field ranges from +110 to -110.

 

In the last 2/1 partnership – sane and sans physical distractions, we miss two games and a slam. (Yes, NSys™ would have bid them.) The coup de grace, however, was a simple defensive faux pas.

 

LHO, dealer, passes; partner bids 1D, RHO bids 1NT. I hold A109xx, Jxx, Qx, Kxx. I consider bidding 2S, but if partner doesn't have spade help that could be fatal. Too, if partner does have spade help, we can probably beat 1NT at least one trick. Non v. vul,, I elect to double. This is intended as an optional double suggesting penalty, but partner can pull it to 2D, if her shape and/or point count require it. All pass. I lead my fourth best Spade. (None of this fancy attitude or Journalist lead stuff, here.)

 

Partner plays the Spade King and returns a small Spade, upon which declarer plays the Queen. Clearly, Declarer has QJx in Spades. I take the Spade Ace and clear the suit...to my partner's Spade Jack! Five spades, a club, and two red tricks beats 1NT two tricks. Unfortunately, with the Spade suit blocked, 1NTX makes. (Partner rose with the diamond ace with the first lead from dummy, so declarer makes 3 clubs, 2 diamonds, and 2 hearts. Rather than +500, we are -180. Thoughts of homicide flicker in my psyche, but my partner has grandchildren, so I let it go.

 

The best tale, however, was one told to me by a friend (I'll name him Tom here). He recounted this true story from the Red Ribbon Pairs.

 

As a defensive set against strong, forcing 1C openings, he and his partner Daisy had agreed 1-level bids were natural and 2-level bids showed the bid suit and the suit immediately above it. Late in the 2nd Qualifying round, they had an opportunity to apply this brilliant defensive strategy.

 

LHO opened 1C, alerted and explained as Precision by RHO. Daisy, in easy tempo, bid 1S. RHO passed. Tom held a 1-4-6-2 hand with AK10xxx in Diamonds and bid a non-forcing 2D. LHO passed. Daisy immediately bid 2C. She was informed her bid was insufficient whereupon Daisy told the table she “…had to make that bid because it was conventional.”

 

The Director was called and Daisy was given her options. Daisy said she would bid - whereupon she bid 1NT! Daisy's options again were given – emphasizing that her bid must be higher than 2D. After some "deliberation" (?), she passed.

 

RHO passed, Tom, barred, passed, and LHO passed. Tom played and made 2D - the only contract making his direction. For the rest of the session, Tom convinced Daisy to play natural bids over a strong, forcing 1C.

 

Tom and Daisy qualified for the Red Ribbon Finals, by the way.

 

* * * * *

 

With no gold points, the Houston twister left me teetering in a flattened house of cards. C'est la vie.

 

I did score some green points… All that glitters ain’t gold, y’all.{mxc}

 

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