Duplicate Bridge has a language that newcomers like me have had to learn. I speak a little German, a little Czech, English of course, and you probably didn’t know I am proficient in Texas Redneck. Since I’ve had to learn the language of bridge, I will attempt to teach you a bit of Texas Redneck. But first let me try to help other newcomers by defining some important bridge terms and offering some advice.

Pass – Probably the most important card you can pull from the bidding box. When in doubt, use it. About half the time you will have made the wrong decision but that means that half you time you will have made the right decision, and that’s pretty good for a newcomer.
Stop – Another important card. No, it doesn’t tell partner to stop bidding. It tells the players at your table that you are about to make a bid that is at a higher level than you need to make. You feel pretty important since the whole table gives you their undivided attention.
Goren – Don’t even use that in your conversation, even though you probably almost memorized his book when you first started playing bridge about 50 years ago. Charles is just not cool these days. Listen for names like Lawrence, Bergen, Hardy, Cohen, and Root. You can even pretend you’ve heard of them and I’m guessing you’ll be buying a book or two by one of them soon.
Alert – Doesn’t mean to wake up as you are probably wide awake and pretty tense playing duplicate the first few times. Saying “Alert” is a method of drawing the opponents’ attention to the fact that partner’s call has a conventional or unexpected meaning. And when it’s your turn to bid you may be able to ask the “alerter” what the bid means.
Director – The first time you do something you should not have done and the director is called, you will want to crawl under the table. Don’t. And don’t take it personally. Directors are there to help the game run smoothly. A director’s primary job is to adjudicate the rules fairly for all concerned. I have never met a director I didn’t like and appreciate!
Conventions – Your opponents will be playing so many of these and discussing them before the game starts that you’ll wonder what you are doing there among such scholars. Before long, though, you will become curious about some of them and you’ll start learning a few. Caution: take it slow as you can still play and even “scratch” now and then, playing what you learned from that Goren book.
Scratch – Since I used this word in my last sentence, I thought I’d better define it. It means you actually played so well that you scored in the top echelon of players and earned master points…maybe just a fraction of a master point, but you’re on your way and there’s no stopping you now.

That will do it for now. Just relax and enjoy the game. Now, here’s the TX Redneck lesson I promised
First Redneck: "M R DUKS." Translation: "Them are ducks."
Second Redneck: "M R NOT." Translation: "Them are not."
First Redneck: "O S A R C D WANGS." Translation: "Oh, yes, they are. See the wings."
Second Redneck: "L I B! U RAT! M R DUKS." Translation: "Well, I be! You right! Them are ducks."
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