I don’t know about you, but I hate computer-generated deals. I have been told many times that hand-generated deals are just as likely to be as wild and woolly as the computer ones. But I swear there are gremlins living in ACBL computers creating those monsters that we humans have to deal with. I present the following two hands as prime examples.

Several years ago, I played with David Marks in a sectional in St. Pete in the Open Pairs event. In fourth seat, both sides red, I hold: -xxx, -Ax, -AKQJ, -AKQJ, a tidy 24-pointer. LHO opens 2, David passes (what did you expect), and RHO bids 3. Either we are playing with a pinochle deck or Rod Serling is taping a segment of the Twilight Zone. I bid 3NT (what, you expect me to pass) and LHO bids 4 Hearts.

I know the couple we are playing against and they are not the strongest pair I have ever faced. The bidding rolls back to me and I ponder whether to double. This hand smells worse than a barrel of rotting fish. How can they be in game with a maximum count of 16? Using my ego instead of my brain, I double and they make it. LHO is void in one minor, RHO is void in the other one. So that’s what 24 points buys you!

Revenge is sweet and it comes on the very next board. LHO deals and passes and David bids 1. I hold: -109xxxxx, -AJxxx, -void, -x. RHO bids 2, alerted as weak. Sure it’s weak lady - about 21 points weak. I bid 2 as smoothly as I can and LHO passes. David bids 3, and after RHO passes, I bid 3 (what, you don’t think an old poker bluffer is not going to show his other major suit?).

David sits for a moment and bids 3NT (promising a double stopper in diamonds). We are not playing in no trump with my monster 5 count, so I bid 4. RHO cannot contain himself and drops the red card much to his partner’s surprise. She leads a diamond and I take 11 tricks when David tables the following dummy: -QJ, -x, -AQxx, -KQxxxx.

I discard my stiff club on the ace and call for the King of clubs. RHO covers with the Ace and I ruff. I cash the Ace of hearts and, when I do, RHO plays the ten. I ruff a low heart and RHO drops the Queen. I pitch a heart on the Queen of clubs and ruff a diamond. When I ruff my fourth heart with dummy’s last trump, RHO plays the King. promoting my Jack as a winner. I concede the Ace and King of trumps to RHO as his partner almost faints.

Don’t tell me those nasty gremlins aren’t busy at work when you play in the next sectional. I take one trick with a 24 count and my opponent takes two tricks with a 21 count.

Sincerely, Jim Somma

(Contact me)

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